Not in love.

     Claiming to be in love at this age is something that is only ever ridiculed. Other people your age will laugh at you for saying so, adults will think you're just a naive young soul. There is no way around it. Saying "I love you." To someone you love, romantically, at this age. It's a joke to most people. So. I won't say I'm in love.

     I will say that, seeing you makes me happy. It just makes me smile. And no matter how mad I am, or annoyed, the sight of you makes it all go away for a second and all I can think about it you. I will say that when you say my name it makes me feel like the most important person in the world. I will say that just spending time with you.. I'm always at me happiest. I'm always my best me around you. I'll say that you're smile, even the artificial one, always makes me want to scream because you're so gosh dang cute. But I won't say I love you, from fear of being called stupid, young, immature, childish, synonyms.. But I will say that I think about you constantly. I'll say that your laugh makes me feel like a little kid. (Well, more little than I already am.) I'll say that I love how you make fun of me in the most innocent and nicest ways. But I won't say,

 I love you.

And you are completely unaware.
   

Student Gov. Elections 2015

I haven't posted in quite some time. Sorry about that, to the five people who check this regularly. Anyway, I umm... don't really have much interesting stuff going on in my life..... I'm kind of... Average. Well, Student Government Elections are tomorrow, and I'm super nervous. I hope I get it. For any of you people out there in the great wide interweb who want to be a part of my nervousness, you can watch this video. Have Fun, and drive safely. Yes, my smile is TOTALLY FAKE and the music is not timed well at the beginning. BUT THAT'S OKAY! GET OVER YOURSELF! JustKiddingILoveYou.
https://youtu.be/ou8NisL4R6c
*News Update: I made Government and am the 9th Grade Secretary.*

Murder!

If you're here. On this blog. Watch it. Just watch it.

March 17

     In just a couple of hours, it will be St. Patrick's Day. I honestly don't know the point of this holiday, I just know that I am supposed to wear green to avoid getting pinched, and that it has something to do with short people with red beards. It is honestly a very strange holiday in my eyes. But when I see March 17, I don't think "That's St. Patrick's Day." I think, "That is the birthday of one of the most inspirational, funny, caring, beautiful and powerful women I have ever met." I guess you could say I'm "lucky" to have met her. (St. Patty's Day pun intended.) I honestly don't know how I could even begin to describe the way that Mrs. Hall has impacted my life. She built up my confidence, and told me I would become someone great, that I was someone great. She helped me realize my potential in writing, even though I haven't really used it for anything worth while yet. I am sad to say that it has been nearly two years since the last time I saw her, yet, I still think about her everyday. She is one of my idols.
     Many kids my age when asked, "What are some of your favorite elementary school memories?" They come up with stories of crazy things they did with their friends. Bonfires. Stuff like that. When I'm asked that, I think about diving off of a diving board for the first time in 4th grade, even though I was terrified, because I saw her waiting for me at the bottom. Believing in me. I think of sneaking into her classroom to do the Harlem Shake with my sixth grade class. I think about waking up at 3 in the morning to be on t.v. for 10 seconds with her, and falling asleep on her classroom floor as soon as we were done. I remember having conversations to myself about whatever was on Valeria's desk that made her laugh for 3 minutes straight before she could continue teaching. Watching Finding Nemo and Monsters Inc, and enjoying them more than I usually would. I think about seeing her standing there at my sixth grade graduation, and feeling completely overrun with happiness and pride that someone like her, would be there for me.
     Mrs. Hall is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. Happy, happy birthday. I hope it is as wonderful as you are.

March 8, 2015

Judge me if you want to. I'm crying in this picture, but I wouldn't say out of sadness. This is a look of pure, real, pure happiness. Tonight was great. It was even better than black mass. I am so glad I got to see Set It Off perform tonight. It was really what I needed. Their songs mean the world to me and have helped me through a lot the past few weeks. Being right there, as Cody held my hand and sang his heart out was so wonderful. I can't even express the joy it brought me. Set It Off IS more than a band too me. You can call me cliche or whatever you want. But it's true. Tonight I had some of my greatest idols hold me in their arms, even if only for a few seconds, and even if I was just one of hundreds, it doesn't change that moment for me. Tonight was more than just a concert for me, it was a reminder that there are people in the world who dedicate their lives to people like me, and who care about me know matter how many fans they will grow to have. I love you. P.S. I also got to see, and call +PattyxWalters  a beautiful person, which resulted in him hugging me. It was pretty amazing.

You Define You

*I wrote this for my Creative Writing class. We were told to write a speech on Self-Esteem for a sixth-grade graduation.* (Not a real one, that was just our writing audience)

Well to start with, self-esteem is not an easy thing for me to write about. Being a teenager in today’s society is hard, and I’m not going to deny it, or sugar coat it. It sucks. It’s terrible, but having a high self-esteem definitely helps. I spent the last 2 years of my life looking for acceptance from people who didn't deserve to give it too me. I went looking for compliments from people who didn't have the capacity to give them. I looked to boys, and people who I saw as better than me to tell me I was worth something. And that, is where all of my problems started.

I honestly can’t say too much about how wonderful having self-esteem is, because mine has just barely started to grow, but I can feel it, like a seed growing inside of me. On March 8, I went to a concert for a band called Set It Off. It wasn't some concert where I just sat in a seat listening to them sing, no, I was stuffed in a loading dock with one hundred other people jumping up and down screaming song lyrics and pretty much beating each other up for the opportunity to touch our idols, and trust me, I have the bruises to prove it. Not to mention my swollen nose due to Cody Carson accidentally landing on my face as he started to crowd surf. Not even going to lie that I totally enjoyed it.  

Anyway, that might not sound like the best experience to all of you, but that isn’t the point. The point is, that to me, it was pure bliss. There was pure happiness radiating from me. That feeling is when I felt that seed appear. It was just a little ounce of, “I’m cool. I’m sitting in a loading dock with a hundred other people being jumped on by famous people. And you want to know what? I am freaking awesome!” As I listened to the lyrics of a song by this band, I realized that this feeling of happiness is what I want in my life. I was tired of feeling sad, of feeling broken. As long as you are looking to others to build you up, they will be able to just as easily, tear you down. But, letting other people build you up, is fine. There is nothing wrong with people telling you how awesome you are, as long as you know, that it isn’t true because they said it, it is true because you are an amazing person.

You just need to decide for yourself that you are worth something. You are worth a lot. You are lovable, and you are capable. But don’t just listen to me say it, believe it for yourself. Look for the things you enjoy, and let them help you find yourself. Life is going to get harder, you are getting older, you will be experiencing new things, but if you believe in yourself, you can get through them. Self-esteem is not about the compliments you get from others. It is about loving you, even when that person isn't entirely lovable.

I mean, I have my flaws. A lot of them. But why should I let that dim my light? Use them to shine brighter. I am an awesome person. And not just this awesome *show Mr. Wright Awesomeness scale* Or this awesome *More Mr. Wright Awesomeness scale* But this awesome, and I didn't learn that on my own. I had some pretty awesome people help me believe it, but the point is, I made the choice to start believing it. And that is what all of us need to do, if we haven’t already. Look into yourself as you go throughout your day, and look for the things that YOU are good at. The things that make YOU awesome, and eventually, you will realize that there is a lot of them.

Life isn't perfect. Bad things happen. People will leave you. People will try and break you down. Just don’t forget that the world doesn't define you. Others don’t define you. You define you.